i hope you get cancer™

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Marsh gas

"A month ago, Jodie Marsh was just another Jordan wannabe. But her turn on Celebrity Big Brother proved there's far more to her than that."
What, like desperate insecurity? Self-delusion? Hypocrisy? In one of the laziest, most cynical pieces of "journalism" on the whole Celebrity Big Brother circus, Laura Barton tries desperately hard to present Marsh as some sort of post-feminist icon, as a victim of "the tabloids".
"Big Brother, Marsh says through drags on a cigarette, was full of "the most fake, hideous people I've ever met", and her crucial error, she thinks, was going on the show without a game plan. "I was like, do I need one? I just thought I'd be, 'Hello ... here I am!'" Arguably, it was Marsh's naivety that led to her downfall. Having initially charmed the nation through a fly-on-the-wall series, she saw no reason to change the formula, and the fact that nearly all the other celebrities on the show were also vying for public redemption - and might do their best to quash her - had not really occurred to her. "I'd got to the end of my tether with the negative press. There's only so much you can take of every single day hearing yourself being called a slag or a bitch or a slapper or ugly or thick or whatever it is they're calling me. You kind of get to a point where you just don't want it any more.""
Where to begin? "Fake, hideous people"? Er - pot and kettle? "She was, she says, just looking for a way to stop people calling her a slag in the street." Hmm, yes maybe putting yourself on your umpteenth reality TV show and talking all the time a) about yourself and b) about sex ain't the way to do it.
"Recently, Marsh became brunette again, after years of being blonde and blue-eyed. "For so long I hid behind the blonde hair and the blue eyes. Now I feel like I've done it, I've done what I set out to achieve, now I can just go back to being me.""
Achieve? Dying your hair counts as being you does it?
""I could've been a lawyer by now, I could've gone to uni. But I've taken the quickest and easiest route to making as much money as I can, and having as much fun as I can, and I don't regret that." She has, she points out, recently bought herself a splendid new home, she has worked in Australia and Cyprus and Barbados, she has made a lot of money and written a book. "You can't knock that.""
Fine. So shut the fuck up about it. She closes by digging up the standard bleat about women not being "allowed" to talk about sex, conveniently ignoring the point that it wasn't the subject of her conversation to which people objected, but the sheer, mind-numbing, deadly dull monotony of talking about nothing else - apart from when she laid into others. I'm no psychiatrist, but I've met people like Marsh, people who - no fault of their own, admittedly - try to hide their seething insecurity by going around looking like a dog's dinner, talking about themselves to the exclusion of everything else, and who have a heart like a fossilised rabbit turd. Hideous.